Who Knew

Sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy. Not certifiable, but definitely bonkers. Life is ok right now. I'm having this random gallbladder issue and feel like crap, but emotionally I'm in a better place than I've been in a while. Maybe it's the pain meds?! My daughter, Avery, had her second horseback riding "lesson" today. I put lesson in quotes because all she is doing is walking around on an adorable pony, named Petey.  I loved riding. Loved, loved, loved it. If I could do anything, riding and teaching kids to ride would be it. I miss it so much. Like in a visceral way. I was really hesitant to start Avery down this path. I thought I'd be jealous and have issues with the fact that she could ride and have someone supporting her and I couldn't. I am afraid that she will love it and be great and the finances won't be able to support it. Riding and showing is ridiculously expensive. I'm afraid that she will have to quit like I did and lose that piece of herself that makes her whole. I know, I know, she's not even 3 years old and I've already ruined her life as a result of a weekly activity which she'll probably get over in short order! Yeah right. The weird thing is I was walking with her today and after she "jumped" some poles and clearly wanted to go jump actual jumps, I felt joy. I haven't felt this kind of joy since I rode. I was not jealous or angry, but full of happiness for her. It was a very odd moment for me. I wasn't sure what to do with that. I wasn't envious or sad, just full. I had been so worried about all the negative that was absolutely going to happen that it never occured to me that I'd enjoy her riding. Hence, I go back to the fact that I'm definitely crazy. A nut job for sure : )